Gonads and Strife

See, I haven't dropped off the face of the earth. Yet.

2004-12-12T16:28:45Z

LAST MOVIE YOU SAW IN A THEATER:	The Machinist Oohh emaciated Christian Bale
WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW:	Lucky - Alice Sebold
FAVORITE BOARD GAME:	None, really. Never a board-game kind of girl.
FAVORITE MAGAZINE:	Bizarre
FAVORITE SMELLS:	Fresh cut grass, eggnog, mango.
COMFORT FOOD:	Matzah Ball Soup...Old fashioned Jew at heart.
FAVORITE SOUNDS:	Luggage (w/wheels) rolling on tile.
WORST FEELING IN THE WORLD:	Rejection. Financial woe.
WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU THINK OF WHEN YOU WAKE UP IN THE MORNING:	"How can I possibly get a little more time to sleep" I make deals in my head with the alarm clock.
FAVORITE FAST FOOD PLACE:	Oohh...Taco/KFC COMBO yeah
FUTURE CHILD'S NAME:	Pierce....that's all I have for now...or maybe Sebastian.
FINISH THIS STATEMENT: "IF I HAD A LOT OF MONEY, I WOULD":	...probably spend it really quickly.
DO YOU DRIVE FAST:	I'm on the border of "cautious" and "reckless"...if there was a border.
DO YOU SLEEP WITH A STUFFED ANIMAL:	No, although I used to take a minimum of 3 animals with me whenever my family would go out to eat.
STORMS -- COOL OR SCARY:	Cool until you're walking in the middle of one, being the highest object in a 5-mile radius.
WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST CAR:	1993 jeep grand cherokee. "Charlie"...as in, Charlotte, only a kick ass Charlotte.
FAVORITE ALCOHOLIC DRINK:	Red Bull and Vodka is a wonderful staple.
FINISH THIS STATEMENT,'IF I HAD THE TIME, I WOULD LOVE TO':	Walk up the entire length of Manhattan.
DO YOU EAT THE STEMS OF BROCCOLI:	Only if they're soft.
IF YOU COULD DYE YOUR HAIR ANY COLOR, WHAT WOULD YOU CHOOSE:	Red.
GLASS HALF-EMPTY OR FULL:	Half empty...unless you hate the drink.
HOW MANY CITIES/TOWNS HAVE YOU LIVED IN:	Two.
FAVORITE PLACE TO RELAX:	Central Park, my bed in Oside.
FAVORITE SPORT TO WATCH:	Ha. I'll humor myself and say Rugby.
WHAT IS UNDER YOUR BED:	Duffel bags, new species of disease
TOILET PAPER/ PAPER TOWEL--OVER OR UNDER:	Under! PL-EASE I have CLASS
CREATE YOUR OWN! - or - GET PAID TO TAKE SURVEYS!

dogisdead @ 2004-09-27T00:51:00

2004-09-27T04:54:40Z

I've been hardcore wheezing for the past half hour. Two puffs of Advir (recommended dose, one ever 12 hours), 5 "rescue" inhaler puffs later, and I'm ready to head to St. Vincent's Hospital if this doesn't get better. I'd probably walk so that by the time I get there, I'm at the point of unconsciousness and they can tend to me quicker. Actually...heart attack and being unable to breathe are the two excuses that will keep you from waiting in the emergency room. Score!

Work, work, work and no play. I'm getting used to life without the play. Things are a-happening, many changes to report within the next week.

Happy Ending

2004-09-15T14:50:59Z

I used to use livejournal as a dependency crutch. Oh, adorable "mood icon" you defined me to my community of readers. That void, however, has been replaced by the ability to record ALL episodes of Married...With Children and watch them all day. That show always vaguely reminded me of my family, that with a pinch of Death of a Salesman. You may be filled with sadness at that thought, but I'm filled with pride knowing that I can use apply a playwriting masterpiece to my life. Although, Willy Loman is a much more depressing name than "Jeff Adler".

In other news...I've been doing the reverse commute, going back and forth between Long Beach and my apartment. I'm STILL a nanny, I DON'T have dreadlocks but I DO look like a lesbian from time to time which has its advantages, although with this short hair I'm pulling off the butch do' instead of the hot femme that I'd want to be.

I'm taking German,which may seem to some as a self-hatred thing, but I see it as a learning experience. Now, I can walk all over the streets of New York repeating Hitler's speeches and KNOW WHAT THEY MEAN for once. It's no fun mumbling something in German, having people start to cry and not even know what word caused them to do so.

Nah, I'm kidding. I'd like you to believe that, at least. Speaking of extermination of the Jews, Happy Rosh Hashana! The time of the year when Jews go to temple, never go for the rest of the year but think they've "done their service" by putting in 3 or so hours with God. L'Shana Tovah!

dogisdead @ 2004-08-28T08:50:00

2004-08-28T12:53:15Z

Last night, as part of some dream sequence, I threw myself into my dresser and smashed my ear on the corner. I remember waking up in immense pain, realizing what I did and hoping that a chuck of my ear hadn't split in two. I wake up this morning, blood all over my hands and my injured ear. I have no idea what the dream was.

School began. Due to my, reluctantly, taking a year off from Hebrew, I am completely lost in the class beyond belief. I think I'm going to start the langugage sequence over again. German is working for me.

dogisdead @ 2004-07-20T17:11:00

2004-07-20T21:14:26Z

Welllll...

Went to Europe, came back from Europe. Scotland was incredible, the Highlands were beautiful beyond any preconcieved notions I came with.

I'm shaving my head this week. The 23rd is the one year anniversary of my mom, I thought it'd be a good time to kick it off, nice and fresh, starting a new chapter in life.

I work 6 days a week. My social life has gone down the drain, but I'm dealing with it and school will be here soon, and I'll have other things to worry about.

Update.

2004-07-04T14:02:57Z

As much as I still am a fanatic about reading other peoples' entries, I rarely have a desire to write myself. This summer is certainly not one for the ages, as life has slipped into a routine of commute, work and sleep. Long Beach is great in the summer, but I work out of a house so that kind of cancels it out, I suppose.

I'm going to Amsterdam on Thursday. From there, Scotland, and then onto Yorkshire. Seems familiar, ey? Yeah, I went to ALL THOSE PLACES in January, with Ari. However, this time I'm hitting the Scottish Highlands instead of Edinburgh, which really is a completely different trip. And Amsterdam? My father requested we go there; I had no problem complying with him on that one. And York was my idea, I'm absolutely in love with the city, and thought that he would feel the same, as well.

I'm such a travel whore, but thats the one thing that makes me unconditionally happy. Just getting...away. True, with my dad as my travel partner it won't be nearly as fun as when I was with Ari, but who knows? This I know for sure: The presence of my father will NOT deter me from getting really, really high in Amsterdam. Ooh, I hope he does too. I also love traveling to Europe because I can legally drink, something I have to wait nearly two years in the States to do. It hasn't hit me that I'm actually going, it will when I pack and all that.

This is my life now. A year ago at this time, my life was as I had known it to be since I was born. Mother, Father, Brother and me. Almost a year has gone by since her death, and a year later my father and I travel to Scotland. Me and him. Not him and my mother, or him and me with my mother waiting home for us. When we leave the house, we'll be the ones who unlock the doors in a week. I'm dreading the one-year anniversary. Things have gotten easier, though. Not that I don't think about her, but I've adapted to this new life, coming home to just my father, making my own money and paying for my education without any assistance.

I'm definitely looking forward to this trip. I think my father has begun dating which, as much as I'm not thrilled about it, knew that this was an inevitable step in the process of death. Sure, I'm an adult and won't have to call her 'mom' but it's still going to suck seeing someone else on the arm of my father. Ack, this trip cannot come sooner.

Disappointment.

2004-06-05T04:42:59Z

Fucking A.

Another reason why I cannot wait to flee to Europe: the drinking age. Of course, I'll be 21 by the time I graduate, thus making this argument irrelevant, but the principle remains: the Europeans have it right. Really, what is the point of having the drinking age be 21? It's not like on your last night of being 20, you're an irresponsible delinquent, and then when the clock strikes midnight you're a responsible member of society.

How did this argument come to be? I was rejected from two bars. I have a real ID; it's not mine, but its genuine through and through, only the height is 5'5. Anybody who knows me knows that I can't even clear five feet. Not that I was rejected, but bouncers have a thrill out of completely humiliating you. I was with Meghan and her friend, and ended up telling them to go without me, as I was the weakest link. I came up to my apartment in tears. I didn't want to drink that bad, but nobody likes that experience of being turned away from a bar,walking away feeling slightly exposed and vulnerable to the world.

It kills me that in December, when I was in Europe, I could drink to my heart's content -- and I didn't end up murdering someone, or causing a heinous crime. I feel horrible for people who come FROM Europe who are under 21 and end up not being able to drink when their OWN GOVERNMENT allows them to drink. I remember when I was in Europe, I wanted to spit in an officials face and say "See,THEY trust me".

This country is so backwards. I really don't know how we're the most powerful. Respected, not at all. Powerful, absolutely. Now I'm going to sulk on the futon until I get a joint going,at which point I will laugh at this entire situation.

This is a promise,though: I'm never going to NYC bars on a Saturday night until I am 21. It was stupid of me, being that I can go any other night and won't have to face intimidating bouncers that guard the places as if they are God's hangout.

While I'm complaining about age, one more rant. I HATE how people assume I'm 14. Today, when I was buying cigarettes I decided to not have my ID out like I always do (I'm used to them asking at this point). This guy not only rolls his eyes, but actually looks at me and says "Pleaaase" as if to say "I know you're 14 years old, like I'm going to fall for that." Usually, I don't mind because I have an ID, but the rudeness is not needed, and I'm starting to get sick of people looking and treating me like I'm a baby. Ever since I got the dreads, my supposed age has lowered and lowered, which is weird because I've never known a 14 year old to have dreads...I'm getting really fed up with this.

dogisdead @ 2004-05-17T04:19:00

2004-05-17T08:25:51Z

My dad, for the second night in a row, had to be carried up the stairs. Tonight I came downstairs to see him passed out on the couch, burning cigarette loosely clinging to his fingers.

I'm getting the same feeling I had before my mom died. He takes so many painkillers; I don't know what to do. What if he was in his bedroom, and dropped his cigarette on the carpet or bed? I feel so powerless, but I feel like I'm going to lose him.

It feels like a repeat of history. Walking a parent up the stairs, the slurring, me being the parent. I'm just very frightened, and I'm wondering if these ARE his last days, if I should be spending every second with him to savor those moments. You always wish that you knew, so you can make the most out of the time left.

It's crazy that whenever I approach his sleeping body, part of me prepares for finding a corpse who'd gone in his sleep.

dogisdead @ 2004-05-01T21:51:00

2004-05-02T01:54:09Z

I feel a tightness in my gut, I hate this.

I'm scared to go to the unveiling tomorrow. I'm still in the city because going home would solidify the purpose for doing so. I don't want to smoke, or change my mood via illicit substance. However, I'm not content with remaining this...numb. This is how I felt for the first few weeks after my mother died, and it's so frustrating.

Tomorrow will be quick and painless. It really is only 15 minutes, but the effects will clearly span the entire day, possibly longer. I wish I were somewhere else, in another time.

this doesn't matter to you.

2004-04-30T03:09:03Z

This isn't going to be a particularly optimistic entry. I have tons of projects due in the upcoming week in addition to an oral midterm tomorrow morning.

My body is being consumed in hives. Yesterday morning they adorned only my arms; now, they are spreading all over my body. My feet are covered in itchy hives. I've picked up dry cough. Wet coughs are wonderful in comparison because it doesn't feel like someone is poking you in the throat when you go through gagging fits. Dry coughs are extremely painful, even if you're merely clearing your throat.

The cherry on my sundae of bad happenings is my Mother's unveiling on Sunday. It is SUPPOSED to occur a year after her death, on July 23. For some reason, though, my father insisted we have it on May 3rd, to "bring closure sooner than later". In my mind, it's very creepy knowing that a year ago, she was still alive and if only we had known that in a year from now I'd be staring into her grave, knowing that I am standing on what used to be the physical shell of my mother. Sometimes I think about what that physical shell looks like now, almost a year into the ground - surely nothing like what I remember her as. I don't know why I think those things, perhaps to think of the worst scenario before looking toward better things.

The crazy part is that whatever image is coming to my mind is probably the reality. It's not as if I am thinking about her body and I can call her and feel better knowing that she is far from being in that place. Before the images get to grotesque, I usually put a blockage on going any further and think of milder things.

I took a few cough suppressants, and although the cough is not as horrible, I am walking around in a narcotic-induced haze that I very much wish would cease to be. I would rather be focused now, doing my work, there is so much to get done.

This summer is going to be so hard. I'm already prepping myself for her anniversary, although all the preparation in the world will mean nothing when the morning of the 23rd comes back to me and maybe then it will hit me that she really is dead. I still cry, more than in the first few months of her death. I tend to cry in public places, although its not purposely. Thoughts hit me when I'm walking in the street, on the subway, waiting for class to begin. I've gotten used to the stares that are given to a person in tears.

Let's hope there will be better days ahead. At the most, next week will be more promising.

This is really hard.

i know it's a cop-out.

2004-04-28T05:07:11Z

Inconsistency is the key.

2004-04-14T01:20:08Z

It's not like my life has been uneventful.
I've just been too lazy to document it.

Dan came over last night; I think that when I see any friends from home, my old ways return and I pass out wayy too early. When him and I go down to DC for the NORML convention, I'll prove to him that I've changed my ways. I CAN STAY AWAKE. I also blame it on my dog. When he wakes up, that means I wake up. We're talking 6:30am to praise him for taking a shit.

If only all our bowel movements were treated with such enthusiasm. I'd definitely eat more fiber and whole-grain products, just for the self-esteem boost.

I did have ideas to jot down, but now all I want to do is make pudding and take a nap, in that order.

Florida: The experience I'd like to forget as soon as I get home.

2004-04-04T14:24:02Z

Where to begin.

I've died and gone to hell, and its code name is: Fort Lauderdale.

My aunt has just picked me up in her *mercedes*, drove me around her *multi-million* dollar housing community, and showed me her *pool* and *guest-house*.

I asterisked the important things in life.

Well, important to her.

Forget about asking me how I am, because I know SHE thinks about my mom every day. The poor thing, thats probably why she gets a face
lift every month, to help her forget that her favorite relative is no more. And by favorite I mean that the first thing she did when she got off the plane (after mom died) was ask for a drink, and told me I should get a haircut, make myself up all nice.

Honestly, Fran did not hear a WORD I was saying while I was in the car, unless it was a question geared toward her. In typical **ADLER** fashion, she promptly cut off every sentence of mine in an attempt to exploit another aspect of her FABULOUS, WONDERFUL life.

Oh, and she didn't miss ONE opportunity to insult New York, and how "dirty" and "cluttered" it is.

She likes the flowers.
Well, except her own. I think she lost HER flower when she was 12, and hasn't crossed her legs since.

I wish I could call my mom and we can talk about how vain Fran is and mom can confirm my feelings of hatred - and half pity - for the Adler family. My dad looks up to Fran as if she is God.

It's sad, really.

just another entry

2004-03-21T00:25:28Z

I told myself that I would come home and send my resume to every post on Craig's List. For some reason, I don't have the energy to click "attach file" but I have energy to write on live journal. See, you guys mean more to me than, oh say, making a steady income.

I went to Brookstone and got Tempur Pedic slippers. SO NICE only I overestimated my foot size and got a Medium. Even though it clearly said the Small is for sizes 6-9. I thought that my foot was better than a small. It isn't and now I have half a sole sticking out from under my jeans.

Viv came by yesterday afternoon. We smoked - and keep in mind, I've never seen Viv smoke - out of my king bong (still untitled) and spoke and Viv used my futon to her advantage and took cat naps while I...hmm...I think I was online. What a surprise.

That night, Meghan, Adam and Laura came by and watched What Women Want. Actually, I don't think any of us were actively watching it, but we were reluctant to change the channel. Being that I was in post-Passion mode, it fascinated me that the same man who made a story about Jesus dons stockings and waxes his legs "to see" what a woman goes through. I don't think the bible allows cross-dressing, ay? And I'm POSITIVE he wouldn't be too happy watching the scene where a Marissa Tomei calls Mel a "sex god". But then again, it IS Marissa Tomei, and they did have prostitution in the old days, so he's not so far off.

Not that she's a whore, but...

I mainly associate her with My Cousin Vinny, and she didn't exactly play frigid in The Slums of Beverly Hills.

No online @ apartment yet = my idea of "Survivor" JK JK

2004-03-15T20:52:32Z

Moved in!

After a long two days, the apartment is pretty much in place, sans furniture to be delivered on Wednesday. Including the mattresses, which has made for an uncomfortable few nights for me, but great for my back.

Every time I walk outside its surreal where I live. This is seriously a fantasy I've harbored since I was 14. Now I just have to lose a bunch of weight, invest in many a bustier and my fantasy of being a vamp stripper will be as good as reality. A vamp JEWISH stripper. I'll pioneer the way for all those yids who want to trade in their wigs and long skirts for thigh-high boots and fedoras. Hey, at least the knees will be covered.

In other news, I christened the apartment by - no, not having sex in every room of the house. The patch has yet another week to take effect (thank my dad in not getting the patch to me by the time I needed it. He knew.) I bought a beautiful $650 Jerome Baker Design. Let me just say, I wasn't out to specifically get a piece by JB, thats just who the designer happened to be. With a gecko gracing the base and colors-a-plenty adorning the shaft, I invite everyone to come and try it out.

I think I MIGHT get tickets for Barnum & Bailey. I haven't seen a circus perform since...well, since my dad eerily surprised me and Laura by taking us to one a few years back. But, for now, key reproduction, here I come!

A new day. Soon.

2004-03-12T08:09:01Z

So, Hunter College dorms, we have come to the end of our bitter fight. Y'know, through it all, I've loved you. You and your rastafarian guards who bang on my door accusing the hallway of "reeking like MAD weed" and pointing to MY dreadlocks and posters as "the tipoff". The dirty looks. The going into my room without permission because I "look" like I'm high. I love you when you get angry.

However, it has come, the time for us to part ways. As of Saturday, my belongings will not be under the roof of 425 E. 25th Street, but of 124 MacDougal Street, Apartment 17.

NO MORE walking four avenues to the closest subway station. NO MORE having to pay for a cab ride back from a night of drinking because I'm too sick to walk. NO MORE being on the BORING FAR-EAST SIDE. I am now a resident of the West Village, zip code 10012.

And so I leave you now. I would have ended with something poetic and pretentious, but I'm crazy tired and want to go smoke a bowl.

Smoke. Till the waters turn grey and melt into the heavens.

That sounded good, eh? EH? No idea what I meant with that...umm...what I meant to say was, what do YOU think it means?

sAY NO MORE.

My idea of fake.

2004-03-10T05:32:29Z

I didn't see Passion of The Christ again.

(ok, I did, but don't tell Jesus about it. He may think I want to follow him or something).

I LOVE that movie. Dan and I saw it on Sunday, which went along with us smoking in the parking lot of Lynbrook, a move that any godly figure would praise. I might actually buy it when it comes out on video.

No, it's not because Jesus looked HOT. Although, you didn't hear me say it. And the man was so CALM. HOWEVER, it did make Jews look like horrible people. Although, they were wearing nice threads..where did this "cheap" thing come from? And who did the Romans worship before Jesus's legacy?

Then again, Jesus DID make his own furniture, being a carpenter and all. Have you ever heard of a jewish carpenter? Well, my dad, after the guy leaves and he claims that he "called" the man and that's all that counts.

Ok, on to other, more secular news. Where I belong.

I joined a GYM. That's right, you read right. Not only did I join Crunch, but I signed up for twenty sessions with a PERSONAL trainer. I'll admit it, I'm tempted to go there eating an ice cream bar and see what happens. Actually, I'm just tempted to eat an ice cream bar. Preferably a Hagen Daaz. This guy is like 200 lbs of muscle. I think he should relax and go out with me for Kentucky Fried Chicken and we'll talk about this whole weight-loss thing.

And, I decided that I'm going to quit smoking marijuana. For good. My lungs aren't fairing well and, frankly, it doesn't really have an effect on me anymore. Looking back, possibly it was a phase but it doesn't have the interest that it did for, well, the last five years of my life. Goodbye, weed, hello new vice.

Ok, quiz, which of these statements is FALSE? and I will NOT accept answers from people who I've spoken to today. Hold your tongue, you.

Hey its You

2004-03-06T11:31:45Z

I searched the room for 20 minutes looking for a cigarette that i had dropped and forgotten about.

Then I realized that I didn't smoke a cigarette.

I think the paranoia is creating its own Oz in my head, which different worlds all emphasizing in some form of freaking me out. Good job, Dorothy.

True, story, people. On the wire.

Countdown

2004-03-05T08:11:14Z

Tomorrow I'm going couch shopping; Saturday I'm taking a trip to Ikea. This is happening WAY too quickly.

"FYI": There is a free shuttle bus from the Port Authority to Ikea (NJ) on Saturdays and Sundays.

I move in on the 15th, ten days. I still have an unfurnished apartment on my hands, and I've never had the opportunity to furnish an entire living space before. I hope you all can come and see it when I'm settled in...and by settled in I meet the beginning of April. Wow.

I bought a shower curtain that features the NYC Subway Map. I doubt I'll ever have a problem navigating my way around New York again- its HUGE.

I did a horrible thing and totally spaced on me and Dan's date to see The Passion. This, therefore, is a public apology to Dan. I'm sorry, Dan, that I missed an opportunity to watch a movie about Jesus by the same guy who was in "What Women Want" and "Forever Young". I haven't seen it yet, so if you haven't we MUST see it together. I can't imagine going with anyone else...except for a religious Jew, just to watch their facial expressions as it shows Jews beating Jesus on the way to the cross.

HILARITY ENSUES.

I don't smoke much anymore.

I don't like not smoking so much.
Repression + Fear - Ben and Jerry's = Excess when the time comes.

My hands are composed of more dirt right now than flesh. The stickiness is somewhat appealing though.

Conan O'Brien wears an alarming amount of foundation for his show.

Off I go -

Insomnia, I missed you!

2004-03-04T10:46:43Z

http://www.puppyfind.com/?act=search&view_full=1&view_pic=1&subject=Dachshund&puppy_id=1217517904404379a8907d1&img_id=1463161263404379e23c75e&page_num=0&page=1

The one on the right is who I'm after. Once she turns two months, she's officially an Adler. We can always use another dysfunctional mammal in the family tree. I paid for her yesterday, and when she reaches 8 weeks she'll take her first plane ride, from NC to JFK.

I have NO IDEA how I'm going to retrieve the dog. I have images in my head of the dog being on the luggage-belt upon people getting off the flight. I just cracked my knuckle so hard that a chill went right through me. It didn't even hurt, but that sound went to my bones.

I'm moving into the apartment on the 15th. The more I see it, the more I love it. I'm going to start going furniture shopping. This is too much for me. I've only had a room to work with my entire life. Now I'm picking out...couches?

Next thing you know, babies will be popping out and I'll be the president of the PTA. Or my child will have to go to the eqivalent of "Castleton Academy". WHO REMEMBERS WHEN THEY OFFICIALLY CHANGED THE NAME FROM MERLE? Why didn't OHS get a fancy name? I would have liked "Westminster School for the furthering of education that will never be put to use, led by your headmaster, (fill in the name of principal who will probably resign after a year)".

I was thinking about putting THIS computer in my house (oside) since our computer is constantly on the verge of having a nervous breakdown and abusing itself. I'd get a laptop, which really says something about how much I've changed. A year ago, I HATED laptops, and I never understood why people just couldn't wait until they got home to use their desktop. Fast forward a year and me not wanting to lug this MASSIVE monitor and tower up four flights of stairs. Besides, we need all the room we can get.

Ok, I'll come clean. I'm getting a laptop just so that I can sit in Washington Square Park, pretend to type but actually see how many patterns I can make by pressing my entire hand on the keyboard.

DON'T YOU DARE JUDGE ME. Ok you can judge me JUST BASED ON THAT.

Tomorrow = off to the wonderful Salvation Army to go furniture searching. I'm really in the mood to find a ripped, urine stained couch from the early 1970's. I doubt I'll have any problems.

Beautiful day

2004-03-01T21:35:46Z

This weekend has been more eventful than most.

I put down the deposit for the apartment...'tis mine.

read: 124 MacDougal Street, between 3rd St and Bleeker
This apartment is nuts. The windows from one of the bedrooms looks right out onto the street, and its completely done over. New floors, painted walls, all the works.

Wait? Who's not spending another god-awful summer in Long Island? Hella what?

See, its not that I loathe Long Island. I'm actually going to go to the beach most weekends if the weather permits. HOWEVER, I don't talk to 95% of the people who I spoke to in high school, and as much fun as awkward encounters are, I find that during the summer break they become the RULE rather than the EXCEPTION.

I'll get myself a job, take some classes and relish in being able to walk out of my apartment and not have to take the subway to the village for the first time in my LIFE.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

we all knew this was going to happen.
___________________________________________________________________________________

I went to binghamton this weekend. Either I'm really mature for my age, or I'm just not getting it*.

*it=routine of frat parties, "mixers", flat kegs and party cups. Oh, and tube tops that shouldnt be worn in the first place.

The more I observed, the more I realized just how "city" I've become. The weather was beautiful, though, and the campus looked much prettier than I remember it, possibly because it was the first time I had seen blue sky and sun in Binghamton.

do I wish i was like that?

heh. well. it could have helped me get laid in the past. but then again, i think i managed just fine without dressing like a total slut...

and no, breasts hanging out all over the place is NOT slutty if positioned right ---

I don't know where I'm going with this.

True to life results! as I eat my honey mustard nibblers;

2004-02-27T06:37:35Z

Heart of Stone

What is Your Heart REALLY Made of?
brought to you by Quizilla

Dan,I'll share my results with you since I know that the LAST thing you want is a heart of *gold*.

At least they placated my expectations. I wouldn't have it any other way.

I found an apartment on MacDougal and 4th. If its still available, the deposit is on the table tomorrow morning.

This is
exciting
to me?

I guess so

Nah ok it really is. i just dont want to be bummed if the apartment is taken

think
good thoughts

i want towriteli ke this a llthe ti m e .

Sunshine over my shoulder

2004-02-23T00:15:20Z

There have been a shitload of political events going on in this week alone.

1. Gay marriage: Mr. Kindergarden Cop himself spoke on Meet the Press, almost sounded as idiotic as when Bush was on the show weeks prior. The Governor compared gay marriage to allowing people to sell weapons and narcotics and to break every other aspect of the law.

Seriously. It's a marriage. I would love to know what was going through his head when he compared a union between a same-sex couple and allowing people to deal drugs and sell guns on the street. Let them get married! Who is it hurting, really? Allowing same-sex marriage is the least that can be granted to the homosexual community, which has had a rocky history ever since the term "homosexual" was introduced and subsequently thought to be a disease in the Victorian Era.

I have my opinion on marriage in general. I was always into the Kurt Russel/Goldie Hawn "union". However, the difference is that if I want to, I CAN get married to a man, if I decided that I do believe in marriage. A gay couple doesn't even have that option, and that's beyond what the government should be allowed to control.

It's just as stupid as cops raiding a house, catching a couple in the act of sodomy and arresting them for it. Oh wait. DONE AND DONE.

Its interesting to read of cultures thousands of years ago when homosexuality wasn't an identifying term, it just didn't exist. People just...did. There was no "straight" or "gay", people just followed their instinct and that was that.

2. Ralph Nader: It should be speaking volumes how people who supported Nader in 2000 have joined the masses who don't want him to run, namely the Democrats. I DO believe he was a large reason that Bush was chosen as President-elect, for those votes could have gone toward Gore. And I don't care if you ARE a Nader supporter, you really have to take a step back and say "Was my vote for him in 2000 a wise one?"

Now, you can be stubborn and tell me that you'll vote for anyone who you want. Hell, thats whats so great about living in a democracy. OK, so you voted for him in 2000 and marched out of the voting booth feeling like you were ultra-special for not going the Democratic-GOP route. However, lets see what that vote did. Not only did the Green party NOT win, but because of your little tirade, look at how THAT kicked you in the ass.

As a huge John Edwards supporter, a large part of the campaign was that we are trying to get the independent vote, since we know how many numbers that can mean for the election, and possibly the nomination at that. However, thank you, Ralph Nader, for just making things more complicated and leading people to ridicule you even more than they did four years ago.

3. Haiti goin' crazy: Heh. Kill each other, like you contribute ANYthing to ANY economy in the world, including your own. For that matter, shift on over the border to the Dominican Republic and kill yourself a few million casualties. Although, props to the Prime Minister for being all bad ass and refusing to back down even IF death is staring him in the face with an unemployment check and a book of food stamps.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I had a realization a few days ago, and NO, I wasn't high when I thought this up. Although, Vivian did have a laugh at it.

Osama Bin Laden is God.

New York is Babylon.

That's why we can never find him. Especially with him being on dialysis and all.
I really would not doubt Osama being the lord all mighty. Think about it, think about what he bombed and the significance that has.

God has given us all of opportunity all of what we have. And he bombed the WTC, the very place where we have taken his gifts and turned in into opportunity for ourselves, at the expense of millions of people.

I'm no religious person, but this is all to understand my theory that much better.
So there you go, I know the truth. Osama=God. And I haven't smoked in a NUMBER of days and I still can go on this 100%.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I haven't smoked cigarettes in a week! Tomorrow I'm going to look at an apartment on W4th and Jones. Right inbetween the W4th E train stop and the 1/9 Christopher Street Stop. Right in the West Village...RIGHT where I've always wanted to live since I've been coming to NYC as a dorky high school freshman.

Time to move out. Move UP UP UP! It has a fire escape!

Tomorrow I'm seeing John Edwards AGAIN. The Columbia Speech was awesome, although I got upset at first because it was only open to Columbia students, which is really ass-backwards for Edwards to talk about Public Education to a student-body of Columbia (audience primarily white) students.

I had to give my SSN for tomorrow. It's a meet-and-greet and Secret Service has to give us clearance!

I heart you, J.E!

Raining cats (too old for me)

2004-02-14T23:21:22Z

I've never been into Valentine's Day. I remember it as my mom having to buy little paper cards with cartoon characters on them and exchanging them with people in the class.

Hallmark really has us by the balls, eh?

In any case, I completely forgot that today was that holiday. Ari is working in Long Island, so we didn't make a case out of it. I've had a Valentine every year since ninth grade, but I can never see myself feeling shitty because I don't have one. Actually, I remember feeling like shit in High School when I would see all the jap girls and thugs carrying roses, balloons, stuffed animals and anything else "cutesy" all over the halls gushing to their friends about them. WTf! I never got Roses on Valentine's Day! Maybe those incidents scarred me for all my life.

I'd rather take $50 worth of marijuana than Roses anytime. Although, if you're getting me the weed, might as well get me the chocolate. Oh, and PEEPS. I think they're going to start making an appearance for the Easter fever.

I wanted to get a kitten for my father today, so I went to the only animal shelter that guaranteed kittens. They are really such a rarity, especially in good health and all. 95% of homeless cats are 2 years and older, and not many people would consider adopting an older cat.

I went to a shelter in Flushing, Queens. I had to fill out an adoption application and have the interview BEFORE I could look at the cats so that I wouldn't be disappointed if I couldn't get a cat that I liked.

WELL, I learned many things about myself. One of which being that I, fortunately, can never become one of the crazy ladies who have 20 cats living in her house. The shelter was divided into two rooms, both had a smell not quite pleasant to the nostrils. In the second room, it was a feline version of "The Birds". So many of the guys were upfront and approachable, so wherever you turned you'd see a cat or ten staring at you. There were these multi-level scratch posts so I'm talking about EVERYWHERE, to the point where I got a little nervous walking around. You'd go to bend over and pet a cat and they all would run over to get a pet. The cats were all beautiful, but I don't know how some people can live with cats roaming around the entire vicinity of a house.

Also, some cats weren't that approachable, and since I didn't know which ones I was hesitant to pet any that didn't come up to me. At one point a black cat would not stop staring at me and I was afraid it would pounce or go to strike me, but when I put my hand out it nuzzled into it, it's crazy how much attention they crave.

I really would have considered adopting an adult, but this kitten is for my father, not me. Seriously, though, most of the cats were so unbelievably friendly and calm and just needed a little love and affection. I'll definitely do my part in the future and adopt an older cat...but for now, I was looking for kittens.

The only one I was interested in came in a mandatory pair with an older cat. Since we already have Pepper, I wasn't going to have two cats who know each other come into the house and alienate Pepper or something to that effect. I tried. The spring should bring many a kitten with it, hopefully at least. It's definitely time to give the house some excitement and color.

I ended up spending $40 at Walgreens, so I have to lay extra-low, which definitely won't happen.

How boring was this entry? More importantly, how bored am I that I can write so much in an entry?

Morning.

2004-02-13T15:19:32Z

I think we should dedicate a long weekend to the Presidents' Birthday, which is why I'm not going to class. Or that I woke up at 9:50 and decided that 20 minutes was not enough time to get ready. Even though, if YOU saw me in the morning, you'd wonder if I ever "got ready" at all.

I had a dream that I was downloading music. How sad is that? Even in my dreams I lead a bland life. In the dream I saw Howard Stern walking to his car, although he didn't give me the time of day. What the hell? Isn't it MY dream? Shouldn't he be chasing ME?

I'm sure if I were a lesbian stripper he'd think differently.

I think I've come to the point where I can live elsewhere in the world. I can make that transition. I have nothing to leave behind, nothing to go toward, so it pretty much balances out.

Even in New York City life can get extraordinary dull.